The following is a transcription of a dialogue between an old porter and myself at the front gate of Christ Church College, Oxford last weekend. The porter was not letting anyone into the college as visiting hours had not yet begun. Seeking to bait the gent a little and see if I could rally the old school fighting spirit in him, I set about it the one way I knew would ensure success:
’Sir, do the rules for entrance change if you are a member of a Cambridge college?’ I started with a stunning blow. The porter splutters, looks shocked and says, ‘Sir, how dare you? The other place? That is positively offensive’. Smiling at how quickly he rallied to the attack, I countered, ‘not even for a member of King’s College?’ ‘Hah!’ he barks, ‘Be gone with you lad!’ and points down the street with a gloved hand.
He had sensed my genial intent, however, so the last gesture of dismissal was accompanied by a knowing smirk at the game of gentlemanly opposition we were both playing at. ‘I just thought I would sound you out, see if the old school spirit still existed in these parts’, I said, about to leave. He just looks at me with a grand old smile and says ‘But where would it go?” We both had a laugh, and I left after he cordially informed me that I would be permitted to enter once the visiting hours had begun at fourteen hundred, sharp.