Drug Bust
There is a bathroom called: ‘The Research Bathroom’, in the Keynes Lodgings at King’s. I have no idea what type of research goes on in there normally, but today someone appears to have conducted a sociological experiment in the facility, as I was informed by one of my friends Emma, who discovered a certain science project taking place in said loo. No, it was not a hideously mutated dookie. It was what appeared to be a bag of drugs, cunninngly concealed behind a pipe.
What does one do in this situation? One pokes the curio cautiously with a library card, as Emma did. Then one runs back to tell the others (myself and another friend Cillian) about the oddity in the bathroom, and how it is certainly a drop off (the initial stage in a deal). Well, we began to speculate as to what drug it was - due to a brownish colouring we thought perhaps hash, opium, MDMA &tc. - but no conclusions could be reached through the meagre evidence provided by such a cursory prodding of an initial investigation.
Then Cillian goes to investigate after dinner, when he has to wee. Upon returning, he relates that he started to unravel the mysterious package, but got scared and shifty and left it. We began to speculate again, the brownish colouring was confirmed. Remembering the name of the toilet as ’Research Bathroom’, we decided it was probably some enterprising sociologist or criminologist conducting an experiment to see how people would react to what amounted to free drugs of an illegal nature in illicit circumstances, and the whole space was monitored by cctv cameras.
Well, I had had enough and went to hazard the springing of the trap, with a ruler and pair of scissors in hand to deal with the mystery in a direct manner. Cillian and Emma followed. On the way it was noted it looked somewhat like a condom and I remarked: maybe it is someone’s joke and they pooed in a condom and left it for someone to find. We decided that either Cillian or Emma would probably have been able to recognize poo.
We made it to the bathroom, located the bag of drugs, and I proceeded to investigate. I poked at the plastic outer wrapping, started cutting: and lo! what dropped forth from its plastic sheath was: more plastic, and fingers! Sinister intimations, then the mystery divulged itelf: one plastic glove had been folded up inside another and the quadruple layer of latex had made the inner glove, wrapped up in a tight ball inside the outer glove, look like a brownish/grayish ball of hash. A cleaning lady had clearly forgotten her mitts behind the sink when cleaning the shitter.
We walked out amused yet crestfallen, as only a hippy would eat latex to get high.